Test!

Sometimes things aren’t as easy as they seem.

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After a lot of effort I made up my mind
I said, “I’ll do it!” very well aligned.
I had the confidence, I had the strength
The execution plan too was well set at length.
The mountain looked like a fair game
To reach the top was my only aim.
The climb wasn’t tough or nerve wracking
The mindset too was stable that soon turned cracking.
The mountain turned steep, bare feet bruised
The strength had died by the 1/10th journey, the courage though still seemed unused.
Yes I was brave, even with bleeding feet
The pain numbed in another climb with time fleet.
Climbed half my mountain and it felt amazing
Though half was steeper now fear was chasing.
My spine had a chill, I was forcing myself
But that was a fight I had to win against my inner self.
I don’t know if it was a dream or I did it right
I don’t remember how I fought my fight.
I remember when my eyes closed, a faint look right before two steps of success
With closed eyes I crawled to possess my access.
Today it’s an easy story to read
Back then it was a great deed.
A tiny rock was a huge mountain
But it marked in a barren life a beautiful fountain.

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Space!

Sometimes different is good.

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So this time my mind was blank.

So was the room, the table, the notebook

I felt something incredibly shrank

While I looked from my window towards the flowing brook.

I felt incomplete without any thoughts running in my mind

It felt different, didn’t understand if it was great or strange

I didn’t know if I had combined or confined

I didn’t know what was there to arrange.

But this space was needed

A sacred little world

Of nothing odd or new like we pleaded

Without any word, my silent world.

Shush!

Why didn’t I listen?

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She darted fierce words at the face of my heart

And I agonised in pain, for they pierced my heart.

My mind said, “Shush! Be silent, don’t cry.”

But I wanted to show it hurt, she was mud in my eye.

He stood behind me in the bus, hitting me on every break

It alarmed my senses, it was a nerve break.

My mind said, “Shush! Don’t react, play smart.”

But I couldn’t control my breakdown, it wasn’t any easy art.

They held me wrong, for mistakes that weren’tย caused by me

They disparaged my character, they angered me for nothing by me.

My mind said, “Shush! Be calm, they’ll lose.”

But I couldn’tย curb my feeling and I replied to their abuse.

They laughed at my weaknesses, they said I was a failure

I became anxious and I proved being a failure.

My mind said “Shush! Try again, it’s not that hard.”

But I couldn’t try again either, I kept my courage barred.

My mind always asked me to be quiet in tough times

But it never listened to a soft voice in those times.

My mind said “Shush! Everything will be fine.”

But I never heard the one who was mine.

Today I know the mistakes I’ve made

Tomorrow I won’t repeat the mistakes I’ve made.

My mind said, “Shush! Be who you are.”

And now, I will listen to it whether I’m near or far.

Gap!

Is it the gap or is it us?

Gap!

It’s definitely me and I would agree

Because I don’t listen to him and he doesn’t listen to me.

At his end, of course it was a better world

But that way he can’t stop me from enjoying my world.

He’s right, that he grew strong by just working hard

But I’m not wrong if things have developed now and we don’t need to work that hard.

He’s right that they left home without any type of connections

But, I’m not wrong if I’m scared of this cruel world and it’s complexions.

Yes, it might take him some time to understand me

It might take me a lot more to taste his kind of tea.

But does that mean we let the small gap develop into a great wall of distance

From a few words of our conversations to complete silence?

No. That’s not what I want

Even of thought of losing him is a humongous haunt.

I want him to tell me his stories and not compare

I want to touch and feel his world, I want to share.

I want him to live my world and play my games

I want him to be with me and call me names.

I want him to teach me his values and tell me his experiences

So I don’t repeat the same mistakes and fall into incidences.

I don’t want things to show but I want stories to tell

So that when he isn’t here, even then I excel.

I want to grow up with him, until he’s here

A generation gap is not at all my fear.

System!

I always believed that each and everything had a system. From the functioning of our brain to the pumping of our heart. Not just our body but everything that surrounds us right from the start.

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My habits were changing

Some things were rearranging.

‘Lack of appetite, laziness, negative feelings’

Was becoming the daily routine of human beings.

But what was the reason, the system behind this?

Where was the catch, where was the miss?

So I tried to go deep inside to find the solutions

To all these mind hurting questions.

And guess what I found, it came from our heart

It was really this simple right from the start.

When my heart was open, I was open to accept even the toughest of situations

But as I shut my heart celebrations turned to complications.

When my heart was happy it pumped the happiness all around and made me smile

But when my heart was struck with sorrow, it put me into gloom all the while.

These weren’t reasons, it was a well defined system

It wasn’t signifying any attacker or victim.

It was just about the way it was supposed to function

About why the heart was a main junction.

It’s important to understand the system functionality sometimes

It’s not just our or the machine’s mistake most of the times.

Late!

So I felt like I had missed the most important flight of my life.

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So it’s not like dedication was vanishing
Not even that I forgot or I was missing.
How could I forget the most important part of my life?
How could I not be dedicated about my life?
It was just that, I got late
Late to reach the gate.
But it felt like I lost the race
It made my face pale, it lost all grace.
But this wasn’t a mistake
Sometimes things are out of our hands at stake.
So what did I do? Cry about spilled milk
Or enjoy another chocolate instead without even worrying about the milk.
So I enjoyed my chocolate
So what if, I was late?
I completed the race
And I smiled because they still applauded for me, for my grace.
I still did my work
Of course. I wouldn’t hide or lurk.
Life challenges us but there’s nothing to cry about really
We just need another point to look from actually.

Returns!

So she was young again! The 96 year old cute little baby of my life.

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I came in her life she did not come into mine
Yet she looked after me from morning to nine.
She treasured and nurtured my mother
And now she was happy to be my grandmother.
She fed me milk, dressed me in hand knit frocks
She bought me innumerable toys and kept them safe in a box.
She bathed me, she cleaned me
She made me walk and run, she made me, Me!
She taught me values, she sang for me to dance
She read me bedtime stories, taught me new words in every chance.
She taught me to cycle, she taught me to skate
She taught me to write, on her pretty little slate.
And then I grew up and she grew old
I left her behind to run and she needed a hand to hold.
Her hands couldn’t drink even a sip of water
While I was busy enjoying the rains, the patter.
She couldn’t speak and no one taught her new words
She couldn’t write to anybody and I was busy in my worlds.
No one fed her like the way she fed us
We were busy in our lives now, we wouldn’t miss our bus.
She couldn’t bathe, no one wanted to clean her gowns
To wash her clothes we always had frowns.
She cried but we didn’t see
But when I cried she took me in her arms immediately.
She healed my wounds and couldn’t see my pain
And I injured her heart too, I gave her all the pain.
She brought me up when I was little
And I left her for nothing when she was as fragile and brittle.